Friday, October 16, 2009

Monday, September 21, 2009

Padre don't preach

When I was growing up, I frequent the church before because my grandmother would always force me to tag along with her. I was in elementary then and a mass at 8pm on a Saturday night was not a favorable idea and much more a mass at 430 early Sunday mornings. The only consolation I would get from attending an early morning mass was the "puto, pan de sal and sikwate" that always opens up a gastronomic Sunday.

One day, I overheard my folks talking about a priest in our hometown who got somebody pregnant. The lady turned out to be our neighbor and her mom is a friend of my grandmother. Shocked with the news, I asked my mom why the lady got pregnant when she is not the wife and priests can’t marry. My mom immediately brushed me off saying that it’s not kids talk. I never questioned anybody about it then but the thought never really got out from my mind.

In high school, a neighbor gave birth to her third son whom she named Christopher. She named her son such because she wanted her son to enter priesthood when he grows up so that her family will be rich. Taken aback, I told her that priests have a vow of poverty and chastity. She said yes they have but there are priests who doesn’t really practice them. The idea hit me again, not all priests practice chastity and poverty, so that could be the reason why the town priest got our neighbor pregnant.

My grandmother would always remind me by telling me to always behave otherwise God will get angry and the priest will scold me. I’m afraid of God’s scorn but I was more afraid of the priests scolding….until I heard news that totally changed my views on these religious people.

I am honestly appalled whenever I hear in the news that a priest got somebody pregnant or priests accused of sexual harassment or news of priests and religious people getting rich and amassing millions of wealth. I considered them as revered people, who are closer to God than most ordinary citizens.

I agree that these priests are not saints and neither do we. I have yet to meet somebody who is a candidate for sainthood. The only problem I have with these people is that they made a vow. Much like ordinary people who made a vow on marriage, these religious people made a vow to be married to God. I’m not inclined to agree when it is said that those who choose to walk God’s narrower path are prone to temptations. Temptations are everywhere. Whether you are a religious person or just the ordinary sinner, evil lurks everywhere to tempt you.

I have nothing against priests, nuns and religious people in general. I have family members and friends who are members of the religious few. I love them and I have so much respect for them.

But still, I don’t like the idea of priests or religious people preaching over men and women calling them sinners because they have their eyebrows trimmed and they wear makeup or because they bet in jai alai and engage in sabong.

Remember what’s said in the bible, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”

Padre, practice what you preach. Pareha ra bya ta nga makasasala. Wa gani mi nagreklamo nga halos kada tuig bag-o ka ug awto.

(This note was written because I can no longer stomach the bad practices of priests and the religious. I am chagrined with the thought that a few members of the religious group had besmirched their good image because of their shenanigans.)

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Reasons why I won’t vote for Chiz Escudero

I find him annoying.

I haven’t heard him say anything good towards the present government. He’s always and always criticizing as if the present administrations are the most contemptuous people who walked on earth and Chiz is the saint. (Not that the government haven’t done anything good or perhaps I’m not just watching enough TV.)

He said that he would team up with convicted ex-President Erap if he will run for president and would never team with Villar because of the C5 controversy, which according to him has evidences that are too obvious. But he will team up with an ex-President who was found guilty of plunder and was even convicted and subsequently sentenced and pardoned. (No wonder he didn’t support Erap’s impeachment despite overwhelming evidences against the former president.)

Every time a controversy with the present administration blows, he’ll be the first ones you’ll see propped up in front of your TV screens, giving interviews and imparting some glib talk and rant about how corrupt the present government is. (As if we don’t know.)

He’s a wolf in sheep’s clothes, a Tra-Po disguised as an honorable politician.

I still find him annoying.

If Chiz Escudero will work SILENTLY (meaning less TV exposure) towards the betterment of our nation, he’ll probably earn my vote. Until such, I will have to bear hearing his annoying voice every time he comes on TV. (He should work on his monotonous voice as well and improve it. If he decides to work in a call center, his QA will fail because of the monotony of his voice.)

(I believe in freedom of expression and that everybody has a right to their own opinion)

Thursday, September 10, 2009

A Cry of Anguish from a Hurt BPO Employee

Pres. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo declared Sept 7 and Sept 21 as Special Non-Working Holidays however employees working in the BPO sector and those working in the electronics industry are exempted from the rule. That means that BPO employees and those in the electronics industry are required to work but are not entitled to a holiday premium.

For some reason, she heard the cry of the owners of BPO / Semicon companies. These sectors employ the highest number of employees and if a holiday is declared, they’ll be forced to pay additional premiums to those who will be working on these days. Doesn't the government have compunctions about granting these requests? Do they even consider that workers in the BPO and electronics industries are also Filipinos and that they pay TAXES?

When I heard about the news, all I said was “What the fuck!”. I’m an honest employee and I diligently pay my taxes. Anybody who dares disagree with that and I’ll slap them my pay slips. Every goddamn 15th and 30th, my regular pay is being deducted with an amount which I am sure just goes directly to the deep pockets of the crooks better known as “politicos”.

Fairness and equality is a non-existent word in our government’s vocabulary. They declared a holiday for the nation because a spiritual leader of a religious congregation died but exempted from the declaration are the BPO / Semicon industry workers. Where’s fairness in that? Equality? I understand if BPO and electronics industry employees are required to come to work but to be denied of a holiday premium pay? Discrimination perhaps? What the fuck indeed!

I know what some people will say, they’ll tell me to be thankful that I have a job. Oh fucking yes, I am thankful to have a job but right now, I’m having second thoughts about having this job in the Philippines. It just sucks.

Now I’m thinking of skipping the next polls, or perhaps not. I’m still undecided but this I know for sure, I will not vote for the lesser evil. My vote will go to someone who truly cares for the entire ailing nation and not just to be selective about it, somebody whose life is centered in equality, fairness, truth and justice.

Pearl M. Hagnaya, mother, hurt BPO employee.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Waiting for the Best Man

Most of us women would swoon at the idea of having a prince dressed as a knight in shining armor (and shiny car, I hope) that will sweep us off our high-heeled feet and bring us to happily ever after. The idea isn’t really far-fetched but in the days of ersatz and "all-instant", I would say it's hard to find a guy as chivalrous and as valiant as our fairy-tale prince.

I’ve already awakened to the reality that not all women will be gifted with princes on Christmas. But I believe that great gifts come in small packages. And no, I'm not thinking about that small (short but big hearted) guy. I'm talking about my little bundle of joy I received about 3 years ago. She was the greatest gift that came in a small bundle.

I stopped dreaming of my knight in shining Evo eons ago. The door isn't really closed yet but it's only half open. There’s no certain time frame as to when it will fully close. When it does, I will never look back.

I will wait, wait and wait. But if he doesn’t come, I’ll blame it to the traffic or bad weather perhaps. I will put on my high heels and that red lipstick. I will thank God for giving me the perseverance to wait. Patience is indeed a virtue.

When my time on earth expires with only my daughter beside me, I will thank God for all that He has given me. With a smile on my face I’d say, thank you Lord for not giving me a husband. He’ll probably be just a headache.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Dressing the Mind

A friend shot a question at me; why are you dressed up like that? Confused, I looked at myself and answered a rhetorical; what's wrong with what I’m wearing?

Let me give u an idea of what I wore then. I was wearing a green sleeveless top, denim mini skirt, 4-inch wedge shoes and my favorite red lipstick. For me, the whole get up wasn't trashy neither was it baduy. I think that was sort of fashionable so to say.

Anyway, I don't think my friend was referring to the clothes but to the look presented. For those who don’t know me way back when, I used to dress up in just plain tee, jeans and gaudy sandals. I do still dress like that but if an opportunity is presented for me to dress up, ill grab and go for it.

The clothes and makeup I wear does not exactly reflect the kind of person that I am. I may be wearing that red lipstick but it doesn’t mean that im trying to be seductive. I simply wanted to add color to my rather boring face. Same idea goes with my clothes. I don’t wear mini skirt to seduce somebody but because I’m comfortable with it, besides I know that I have the legs to show so why not flaunt it.

You see, when you look good, you feel good about yourself. And when you feel good, you look good. That's simple psychology. It’s a win-win situation. Who wants to look miserable and feel miserable anyway? I, for sure doesn’t want that. If there were anything that I’d like to invite in my life, it would be all the good things. Who doesn’t want to be beautiful? I’d be a hypocrite if ill say that I don’t want to.

I may have changed the way I dress up but I’ll guarantee you that I’m still the same old me. Although, im happier where I am at now but the Pearl that my friends know is still the same Pearl, with little improvements here and there.

I dress up my mind to dress up my physical self. I want to age gracefully. And of course, I always wanted to feel good and look good. It’s not a crime to feel beautiful and happy.

So, what's wrong with what I’m wearing?

Me, Happy? Absolutely!

A friend asked, why are you happy Pearl?

That doesn't sound like a question to me but rather a statement. Does it show on my face that I'm happy? I guess so. Look, I don't have the "I am happy" statement plastered on my forehead but yet people ask why I'm happy.

Well, let me count the ways.

First, I am alive. The idea of waking up each day to completely new day is a gift worthy of smiles. Everyday presents a new possibility of redeeming my old sinful ways and make myself a better person. Everyday is a new beginning, a fresh start. Another opportunity to put on that great moisturizing cream….(oh stop it!)

We are not super humans. I am not a superwoman but my normal human capabilities allow me to choose to be happy. Good things happen as well as bad things. I mean it's a fact of life. People make good and bad choices but idea of being able to make just a single choice should be a source of that happiness.

I don't have much financially but still I'm able to shop…at the thrift stores no less. And yes, that makes me happy. If I am full, I am happy, if I am hungry, I am angry but definitely not unhappy. Therefore, shopping and eating does the mood good. Try it.

Another reason why I'm happy is that I know myself. I mean, I know where I live, where I work and stuff like that. Kidding aside, one reason why I'm really happy is that I don't depend on other people for my happiness. I am quite secure of myself that I know who I am and what I want in life. I compete with my own self and not with other people.

I have a big circle of friends. I have funny friends, emo friends, weird friends, rich friends and all sorts of friends. They inspire me, back me up when I need a wall to lean on, they believe that I am beautiful and they read my blogs. Should I continue? (sorry friends, not enough space)

Anyway, one of the bigger reasons why I am happy is because I have a lovely daughter. My relatives used to taunt me as "batig nawng" but hey, who's laughing now? Look at my offspring my dearest. Didn't you wish Alix were your daughter?

Each day, I decide to be happy. It is not a daunting task. Just will your self to be happy and rest will follow. So next time you wake up, do yourself a favor, decide to be happy and do not forget to always thank God for the new day.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Corporal punishment, Child abuse and the Public school system

I am utmost saddened when your hear or read in the news that students as young as 6 or 7 years old are being punished and humiliated by their very own teachers in front of their classmates because of their inability to read and write. Teachers are supposed to teach not punish. It is the responsibility of the teacher to inculcate lessons that their students may use in braving their future.

Grade school and elementary school students have the propensity to misbehave especially around kids their age. Even high school and college students do that. Or even adults too. And please don’t tell me that these teachers who subjected their students to punishment were not pesky students themselves when they were still in school.

A teacher’s responsibility is to teach the child. And as teachers, it is also part of their obligation to discipline the student. But I don’t think child abuse and corporal punishment is a part of the lesson taught in schools.

You don’t hear corporal punishments being used by teachers in expensive private schools. Most of the time, you hear them done in public schools. Why? Is it because parents of the students enrolled in private schools can afford to sue when their children are being harmed? Is it because parents of public school students cannot afford that’s why they choose to send their kids to public schools? Is it because of teacher-student ratio or perhaps that the classroom in private schools are well lighted and well-ventilated whilst public schools are not?

Teachers are as human as every parent can be. They too have problems of their own and they too, like most parents are struggling in their own households. When someone is struggling in their own personal lives, they have the tendency to be short tempered. Yet, I don’t see that as a reason to treat students badly. I agree that in every class, there are a few bad apples however; teachers shouldn’t allow them to rot. They should find ways to make the apples useful rather than throwing them away.

Back in the day in the province, we don’t have private elementary schools; only public ones and they are as good (academically) as with other private elementary schools. I am a product of a public school education system. And I too have been subject to corporal punishment. I remember very well this teacher who would point fingers at us, knock on our heads or let us stand for long periods when we cant answer a simple mathematical question. She would even go to the point to whipping our bottoms with broomsticks if we make a single noise while she’s checking our test papers or writing on the board. I knew even from then that what she did to us was not right. But yet, I cant bring myself to tell my parents because I know that they’ll take the teachers side.

Looking back, I would wonder if the punishments I received from school resulted my hatred for mathematics. But I have always been the resilient kind so when I went to college, I proceeded to take up engineering just to prove that I am not dumb.

I can see myself in these students who are humiliated and being punished by their teachers. I can very well see myself in them because I too, have been a student like them.

Child abuse and corporal punishment does not justify anything.

Note: There are a lot of good public school teachers out there. I've met a few who have left lasting good impressions in me. I hope their fellow teachers can learn from them.


I had a heated debate with a friend recently who told me that the romantic love between two people of the same sex is ABNORMAL. I was appalled when I heard that blatant degradation of someone's sexual preference. She also said that men or women who's relationship with somebody older than them is just superficial and that they are simply using the person for personal gain. I respect her opinion however, I am deeply chagrined to hear those words coming from someone " who claims to be a Christian and is highly educated."

Love isn’t about a boy finding a girl and falling in love with her and vice versa. But rather, love is about finding someone you truly love and care about. It does not matter whether you find someone your own sex or some twice as old you are. What's important is what you feel for your beloved.

Honestly, I feel sick whenever I hear people say that men shouldn’t have relationships with men or women shouldn’t have relationships with women. Regardless of your sexual orientation, sexual preference or age, all of us should be free and I mean without boundaries to find that one person who will truly behold our hearts and make us happy.

I am straight. My sexual preference is defined to that of heterosexual relationships. However, I am not opposed to people falling in love with their same sex. It preposterous to say that since you are a man you should only fall in love with a woman.

Love is free. It should be given freely without asking for anything in return. And most of all, love shouldn't be confined within what they call as normal boy-girl relationship.

There isn’t such a thing as an abnormal love but I think it’s abnormal to think that way.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

The brave and strong

I have tattoos on my body and I am a fan of extreme sports. However, no matter how many people tell me that I am brave and strong, I don't seem to be convinced.

First of all, I am but a human being. I don't have any super powers although I'd love to have one if given the chance (but I don't want to be Darna, just so you know).

Recently, I had a woman on woman and heart to heart conversation with a close friend. She said that of all the people she knew, she considered me as one of the strongest. Not just because of my ability to conquer a 40ft vertical wall but because I survived life's rather unconventional challenges.

Well, I think most of you knew that I am a single mother by choice. Honestly, had my daughters father been a man, I would have married him.

When I was pregnant with my daughter, all throughout my pregnancy, I endured it all alone. Just imagine being pregnant and going to the doctor alone for your monthly checkup. You walk down the street with a bulging tummy and rely on an umbrella instead of a man to keep yourself from falling. Or listening to your baby's heartbeat and having no one by your side to share the moment with. Then how about knowing your child's gender then going straight to the mall all by yourself to pickup your baby's needs. Lastly, having to go through labor without anybody to hold hands with.

I am not a strong person. There were moments when I have to cry myself to sleep because I don't have anybody to talk to. I do have friends but they have their own families and problems to deal with so I decided not to bother them.

I am not a strong person but I have someone strong supporting me. I have God. He made who I am now. He knew that I am weak so He gave me my daughter who in turn gave me new meaning to my life. I didn't see my purpose in life then until I became a mother.

You don't need to have tattoos all over your body to prove that you are brave and strong. Or you don't need to be an athlete to prove your strength. All you needed to be strong is your determination and endurance to survive one's challenges in life. And one divine being to back you up.

Monday, June 1, 2009

On marriage, motherhood and making decisions

Wives are made; mothers are born.

This is my opinion. I don't care if you agree or not but this is how I see things.

I am a mother myself. I have a 2yr old daughter who was born out wedlock. And yes, her father did ask me to marry him but I declined.

I believe that pregnancy is not a passport to marriage. I also believe that if you truly love each other, you don't need to be engaged for a decade before committing yourself to one another.

That is why I choose to be single; a single parent that is. I never truly loved my daughters’ father but I fell in love with my daughter the moment I felt her heartbeat within me.

Most women are given chances to become wives. I believe that once in our lives, we were given options to be somebody's life partner. On my case, there were five men who asked me to be their wife, none of which I said yes. I don’t think the sixth one will be a charm either.

I can’t envision myself walking down the aisle and saying I DO to this one man and doing it in front of so many witnesses. It gives me the creeps. Honestly, it really does. But I enjoy witnessing two individuals profess their love and devotion for one another. I enjoy going to wedding ceremonies. It's just that I don’t have the courage to do it myself.

I am brave enough to do bungee jumping or do rock climbing or perhaps be a passenger in car racing. But I get weak in the knees every time a boyfriend asks me to consider marriage. That idea is not really far-fetched but it’s not something I’m considering right now.

I am not getting married today. Perhaps tomorrow, but not definitely not today. When that time comes, I will surely let you know.

Chicken Little

They say that each one of us have a certain animal within. Especially in relationships, each person is characterized with their animal persona.

Some women are called tigress because they are wild and untamable. Other older women are called cougars because they prowl for younger mate. "Other" women are called snakes because they sneak upon the husbands or boyfriends of other women.

Men on the other hand have certain animals characteristics attached to their personalities. Some are lions because they are the kings of their own jungle. Others are elephants because their egos are humongous. Other men tend to be like horses because they are strong and manly. And lastly, there's the formidable tomcats that has insatiable thirst for women.

If all of us have certain animal characteristics within us, what am I then? Well, I am but a chicken. Yes, a chicken and you heard me right.

When you hear the phrase "chickened out" that means you're afraid or you run away from something. Well, I am certainly like that in a relationship.

Over the years, I’ve met men who have somehow shown interests in me. Do you know what I normally do upon learning that? I chicken out and run away from it.

Last year, I met an American guy online who was really giddy and excited when he met me. I was flattered but then I got scared when he said that he's coming over to the Philippines to personally meet me. I got so scared that I totally discouraged him. Anyhow, no matter how I tried he still came over anyway. The usual chicken that I am, I stayed away from him. Good thing he met somebody else during his stay here and now they’re married.

This is just one of the many moments of my life wherein the chicken in me simply ruled over my rather strong lioness personality.

I am a chicken. Well, only in relationships anyway.

A Matter of Great Weight

I never had an issue with my weight not until people started to comment and tell me that I am fat. As a woman, being called fat is equivalent to being called a whore. Just call me ugly but certainly not fat.

Lately, these weight issues has been bothering me in a way that I became more conscious especially with how I look. I currently weigh 110lbs and this is the heaviest I weighed so far with the exception of that time when I was pregnant.

Just a question though, is 110lbs too fat for somebody like me who stands at 5ft tall? I checked all websites with BMI (body mass index) calculator and I always tell me that I am at my normal weight.

The "fat" factor has really gotten into my nerves already that for the last 2 days, I’ve tried to drastically cut my meals into half so that I can go back to my usual 100lbs frame. Honestly, it’s driving me nuts already and I really don’t want to go into depression because of this.

For your information, I only eat 2-3 meals a day. And that's how I’ve been eating since. I’m not a fan of chocolates, soft drinks and carbohydrates. However, I’m not a big fan of vegetables either. I've always been a meat-lover and I think I will always be one (sorry PETA).

Right now, I can only think of two things that could have attributed to my weight gain. First, is the lack of exercise. Second, my daily dose of anti-asthma medication which is very much steroidal. I'd honestly want to blame it on my medication but I can already hear some of you say..."what a lame excuse."

I know, I know...I haven’t had exercise lately. Id rather not rant about how busy I am because I know it’s true however most of you will not believe it anyway. I am the usual sporty type who loves to hit the wall and the conquer heights (in short, do wall climbing) or ogle at the biceps of those cute college ball players (try jogging around the abellana and you'll know what I mean).

Anyhow, all BMI calculators tell me that I am at my ideal weight. Perhaps I just need to tone my muscles more to make me look fit.

From now on, I promise to get more sexercise. Sorry guys, I meant exercise. (what can I do? I'm only human). Seriously, ill try my very best to set aside a few minutes of my rather hectic schedule (as if!) to exercise. I know again that promises are made to be broken however in this case; I am the one who will benefit the promise so I’ll decide to keep it (keeping my fingers and toes crossed).

Sunday, May 24, 2009

The Case of Single Parenthood

Most of my friends are married and have families of their own. I on the other hand, also have a family of my own, however, I am single and unwed.

I made the decision to stay single and unwed when I realized that the attitude of my daughters father is somewhat not what I expected. I didn't expect much from him, except for him to be loyal, supportive and responsible. To my dismay, he has none of these characteristics. It was also discomforting on part when I learned about this during my pregnancy.

Looking back, there are times that I ask myself, what have I done? I know that there is so much I wanted to achieve in life, one of them is having a family of my own but I didn’t expect it to be this way.

I love being a mother and keeping my baby IS the best decision I’ve made. This achievement is so paramount that I cant help gushing how lucky I am to be become a mother and to be my daughters keeper.

I know that a family is comprised of a mother and a father. However, in a single-parent situation, the single mom/dad has a greater task of fulfilling the duties of both mother and father.

Single parents are mostly viewed as strong individuals. We are forced to put a brave face and meet with bravado all the adversities in life. Whether we achieve and be successful or succumb to losses, single parents are heroes. To the eyes of our little children, we are the iron men and women of their lives.

Despite of all the accolades that single parents receive for achieving the tasks, we are just simple human beings; who at the end of the day, sheds a tear or two when we look back at how we fought the challenges and look forward to the more hurdles of the future.

Single parenthood, it is bitter yet sweet.


I am beautiful because my hair is long and wavy and it is sometimes dry.

I am beautiful because I have combination skin; meaning some part of my skin is oily and some part is dry.

I am beautiful because my hands are rough and my arms are big.

I am beautiful because my eyebags are big and they seem to cover my eyes when I smile.

I am beautiful because my wrinkles are starting to show around my eyes and forehead.

I am beautiful because I have a crooked smile and my two front teeth are bigger than the rest and they even have a gap between them.

I am beautiful because my nose is big and it is the most identifiable part of my face.

I am beautiful because my chin is long thus giving me an elongated face.

I am beautiful because my skin is not smooth and it has some rough patches on it.

I am beautiful because I am short and I have small stubby fingers.

I am beautiful because instead of having a six-pack abs, I have a six-pound fat.

I am beautiful because the toes on my feet are not equal although they number to ten but one toe doesn’t seem to fit in the right place.

I am beautiful because the color on my face is darker than the rest of my body.

I am beautiful because I know how to love and care.

I am beautiful because I know how to cry and be hurt.

I am beautiful because I know how to make other people happy.

I am beautiful because I am a mother.

I am beautiful because I am a daughter.

I am beautiful because I am a friend.

I am beautiful because I know I am not.

What makes a person beautiful?

Is it having a perfect soft hair?

Is it having a perfect smooth skin perhaps?

Or having a perfect set of teeth?

How about having curvaceous body or having a six-pack abs?

Many of us are fascinated with the false idea of beauty. I do not contest when people becomes beautiful when they met the above requirement for being beautiful.

It is true that people; men and women alike are blinded by what only the eyes can see.

Do you consider someone who has a cleft palate beautiful?

How about someone with crooked teeth and dry, brittle hair?

Or perhaps someone, specially a woman, with a 32 inches waistline?

I believe that beauty along with love shouldn't be constricted by what the eyes can see. But the important thing is that beauty should be felt first then seen. A person becomes truly beautiful when he/she radiates from within a beautiful soul.

I don't know about you, but I see beauty in faces with imperfections, in imperfect people. Most of the time, real beauty comes out not in beauty pageants or from pages of magazines but it comes out in the most ordinary situation. Beauty is in every one.

Do you think you are beautiful?

Relationships: Mutual Understanding/ Pseudo Relationship

When is a relationship becomes a real relationship? Is there such a thing as pseudo relationship? What are the boundaries of pseudo relationships?

Two people are in a relationship but not quite the typical relationship. They hug, they kiss and they make love. They care for each other (or so they think) and think often about the each other. They dine together, pray together and go to bed together but they're not quite together.

It’s confusing isn’t it? When a relationship is a pseudo-relationship, the couple will either make it or break it.

When does a pseudo-relationship begin? It begins when two people gets too cozy, too close and two comfortable with each other but not quite open about their feelings for each other. Some say it’s when you experience mutual understanding.

Mutual understanding happens when two individuals allow actions to speak the words but lacks the vocal pronouncement to validate the real feelings. It happens when two individuals assume the mutual understanding feeling as something real and yet refuses to vocalize the confirmation of the relationship.

Pseudo relationships happen because the other party is usually not ready to commit in the real one, not ready because they are already in another real relationship thus making yours as pseudo.

Mutual understanding leads to pseudo relationships. Pseudo relationship spells trouble. Trouble ends in nothing.

These relationships happen because we allow it to happen. We allow ourselves to be victimized by our emotions.

As hard as it may seem, women tend to be in the losing end in every pseudo relationship. Pseudo relationships are not real but the hurt is.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Money or Life

Your money or your life?

This dialogue is often heard in movies and televisions. At gunpoint or knifepoint, the burglar asks you to choose between your money or your life. At some occasions, you’ll end up with both your life and your money taken away from you.

This is now the common scenario aired during the daily nightly news and is printed out in the local and national dailies. Individuals are killed over money. Sometimes, some people intentionally took their own lives to end the poverty.

With the current global economic situation, more and more people are resorting to suicides and murders as answers to the financial crisis. But, is death really the answer? Is your life less significant? Does money rule your life?

When you take your own life or take somebody else’s, are you actually answering the biggest money question or are you just creating another bigger problem?

A lot of us, myself included are not strangers to financial crisis. Some of us are up to our necks in debt but somehow struggled to find answers and solutions to the worsening money concern.

Whether we wallow in shame and desperation or struggle to crawl out of the cocoon of debt, there is always an answer to every problem. It may be shameful but who amongst us does not have any debts or has experienced being in debt?

Death is not the answer. It will never be.

Besides, in the end everything will be okay. If it’s not okay, then probably it’s not the end yet.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Edward's wedding (at the reception)

On sat, the 25th of April, I, together with my daughter and several of my friends attended the wedding reception of my good friend Edward who is also the godfather of my daughter.

We were among the first ones who arrived at the reception. We went there before everybody else because we are not too familiar with the location and apart from that the reception was held in Cebu’s historical place, the Fort San Pedro. Being a place of history, we want to explore the area first before settling down for the program and dinner. We chose to be seated at the back because we brought our kids along with us and we don’t want to distract the program with 2 and 3 year old kids running and shouting around.

The program started with minimum fanfare (which is really quite nice). Just before the dinner started, the lady program host asked us if we know something about the seating arrangements. My friends and I looked at each other baffled by the question. Honestly, we don’t know any seating arrangement at all. The lady host then continued and said that we are seated in such a way because the ones sitting in front were the one who gave the biggest gifts and those sitting at the back were the ones who gave the smallest gift or no gift at all. She tried to retract her statement by saying “joke only.” But joke or no joke, the damage has already been done.

I have been an emcee myself to several wedding receptions and I always keep in mind that the people attending the reception comes from all walks of life. Regardless of the size of their gifts, what matters to the married couple is the mere presence of the people they invited. These people are not just ordinary friends. Knowing Edward, I know he will not invite the regular hi and hello friends. The people gathered around are those who mattered to the couple. The emcee should have thought about that first before she opened her mouth.

With the financial crisis that spread all over the globe, the guests were not really expected to bring grand gifts but since it’s customary to bring one, most of us brought a practical gift for the newlyweds. Some of my friends bought them a gas stove and we bought them a set of casserole. We thought that as husband and wife starting a new life in a new house together would need kitchen utensils and a gas stove and a set of casserole would really come handy.

I am not berating the newlyweds or the reception or the food. I love the couple and I thought the wedding rite was really solemn. The reception, although not grand but it certainly whimsical and I love the touch of history to that. What I think was not right was the choice of words by the lady emcee. She should have thought about it twice.

I believe that if you don’t have anything nice to say, you shouldn’t say anything at all. It may be a satire for her but on a wedding reception, satires are inexcusable.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Relationships: One More Chance

Perhaps many of us have experienced being asked for “forgiveness or another chance” and some of us has actually been forgiven and given another chance.

Did it occur to you if you deserve to be forgiven and be given another chance? After hurting the person you love, what are your reasons for asking forgiveness? And if you’ve been forgiven, would you commit the same thing again thinking that forgiveness does not come with a price and is given freely?

In a relationship, it is NOT unheard of that either one of us commits a mistake. Whether it is intentionally done to hurt the other party or we have simply erred, mistakes and errors are common denominators in relationships.

But considering the fact all of us are humans and they say that human as we are, we are bound to commit errors. Would you take this notion as a common ground to always commit mistakes?

Rules are bent, hearts are broken, trusts are shattered; these are common scenario that happens whenever a relationship crumbles due to erring partners.

Whether we are immune to pain, turned a blind eye or has sought God for divine intervention; everything boils down to us.

Should we forgive and give another chance? Or forgive and move forward?

Either way, it would mean moving on and healing ourselves. So again, it’s your choice.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Relationships: Giving Up

Once or twice or perhaps many times in our lives we find ourselves in a relationship wherein we always end up giving up. Giving up is not always a sign of defeat but rather a sign that we just simply need to move on.

Moving on and forward to the next phase in our lives is the best way to cope up with the inevitable. Whether we like it or not, there will always be relationships that suffocates us. It hinders us from growing and finding ourselves.

With that, you have to choose whether to give up and move forward or be stucked in vicious cycle of the so-called relationship. The choice is yours; after all it was you who made the decision in the first place.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Relationships: Loving Yourself

We always hear people say, “love yourself.” We hear it constantly that it somehow becomes meaningless. People tell us to love ourselves so that it will make us love other people. They say that the love you have within will reflect on the outside and brushes other people as you go along with your life.

But how do we love ourselves? Is there some kind of a method or a process or procedure or a formula perhaps on loving one’s self? It is very easy to tell others to love themselves but do we really know how to do it?

It will always remain a question. It is question, which most people do not have concrete proof of the exact method and answer of how to do it. This question has baffled experts, and even scientists alike.

Does loving yourself pave the way to finding one’s self or does finding one’s self pave the way to loving our selves?

It will always be a question of how. Whether you can come up with great solution or end up frustrated, it’s really up to us in finding the answer to that question.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Relationship : Filling the Void

Many of us are in a relationship with someone whom we are not entirely sure if we truly love him or her. The only reason we are with them because they somehow fill a void within us. And while we are still in search for something or someone who fills that void, we are content living with the current person we are in a relationship with. Oftentimes, this is because we are afraid that if that person leaves, it creates a deeper void within. We forget to realize that the emptiness is already present, haunting us and despite the assurances that we are in a happy and content relationship; we can’t answer the question why the relationship makes us unhappy.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Summer School requirements

My daughter will soon start her summer school at Woodridge School. And here are the requirements:

1 box jumbo crayons (12 colors)
2 pieces Jumbo pencils
1 long plastic envelope with handle
1 pair of scissor
1 Elmer’s glue
40 pieces Long bond paper
40 pieces Short Bond
1 set watercolor
1 set colored paper
1 molding clay

Personal hygiene kit:

1 roll tissue paper
1 bath sop
1 bb powder
1 alcohol
1 hand towel
Extra t-shirt

I am a first time mother and this will be the first time that my daughter goes to school and will be the first time interacting with other children her age. So far, Alix only had one playmate and that is Trixie who is a year older than she is but they don’t even play when they’re together.

Honestly, I have mixed feelings. I am scared. I am excited. But whatever I am feeling right now, I know what I’m doing is the best for my daughter.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Education and the 71-yr old Elementary Graduate

71 yr old

After all the brouhahas of the Chip Tsao scandal, I was delighted to hear in the news that a 71yr old grandma has graduated from elementary. She started in Grade 1 when she was 65 and finished the 6-year elementary education at 71. What's really amazing is the determination of this grandmother to learn just to simply read and write. This act therefore embodies the persevering attitude of the Filipinos.

She is someone that Filipinos should emulate and be proud of. Despite of the circumstances in life, she battled assignments in English, Mathematics and Science.

She is a good example that there is limitless boundary in education. It doesn’t know any age bracket. As long as we live, we should always be in a continuous process to learn and educate ourselves.

It’s never too late to learn the 4th derivative in the equation in calculus or perhaps learn the basics in quantum mechanics. It’s never too late.

So, go on and get that book and be amazed on how Gulliver was captured by the little people in Lilliput.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Chip Tsao

To Kit, otherwise known by his pseudonym as Chip Tsao has stirred Filipino nationalism when he wrote a satirical comment about his Chinese compatriots and the Filipinos working in Hong Kong and even invoking insult to the Philippines. I am hurt by his blatant name-calling of our country. I am a true-blooded Filipino and I am very proud of it. I don’t think this is a joke. I could not see a single line here wherein I could insert a “hahaha.” Reading through the posts on the Internet, I found so many people reacting to the story. Filipinos are a sensitive bunch and for the longest time, we’ve been fighting for recognition.

Economically, the Philippines do not fare very well compared to our Asian neighbors but that doesn’t make the Philippines any less and the point of insults. Our government is considered one of the most corrupt. The corruption within our country and the dire poverty is the primary reason why Filipinos who earned college diplomas are choosing to skip our country and suffer in the employ of abusive employers abroad. Many people pointed the blame to our leaders who did nothing to alleviate the financial sufferings of the poor.

But given this scenario, no nation in the world is given the right discriminate the less-economically performing countries. We may not have the money but we definitely have the brain and the brawn. Had it not for our brains, we would not have found ways to uplift our families suffering economic condition. Had it not for our brawn, we would not have endured working in a foreign country just to earn for our families keep.

I must say that Filipinos are indeed good in keeping the house because as we are growing up, we are taught by our very parents the basic rules of cooking, cleaning and doing the household chores. These tasks were added to our responsibility as students. It is true that Filipinos are working as maids, nannies, drivers, and simply as personal household servants. But there are also a number of Filipinos who are working as executives in foreign corporations and they have earned the respect of their colleagues. We Filipinos are also a hard-working bunch.

Regardless of our country of origin, the color of our skin, the nature of our job and educational attainment, all citizens of any country in the world should be treated with equality and respect. I guess what all people should learn is RESPECT. Yes, you can invoke satires, be funny but please do not insult people who kept your house clean, the people who accompanied your children to school and who assisted them with their homework when you were too busy to look into their assignment notebooks. Have the decency to respect the very person cooking for you and serving your meals. These people are decent human beings and they deserve the same respect you give to your fellow Chinese compatriots.

Respect Sir, is learned at home like where cooking and cleaning the house is also learned.

Here is the full text of what Chip Tsao wrote in HK magazine.

The War At Home
March 27th, 2009

The Russians sank a Hong Kong freighter last month, killing the seven Chinese seamen on board. We can live with that—Lenin and Stalin were once the ideological mentors of all Chinese people. The Japanese planted a flag on Diàoyú Island. That’s no big problem—we Hong Kong Chinese love Japanese cartoons, Hello Kitty, and shopping in Shinjuku, let alone our round-the-clock obsession with karaoke.

But hold on—even the Filipinos? Manila has just claimed sovereignty over the scattered rocks in the South China Sea called the Spratly Islands, complete with a blatant threat from its congress to send gunboats to the South China Sea to defend the islands from China if necessary. This is beyond reproach. The reason: there are more than 130,000 Filipina maids working as $3,580-a-month cheap labor in Hong Kong. As a nation of servants, you don’t flex your muscles at your master, from whom you earn most of your bread and butter.

As a patriotic Chinese man, the news has made my blood boil. I summoned Louisa, my domestic assistant who holds a degree in international politics from the University of Manila, hung a map on the wall, and gave her a harsh lecture. I sternly warned her that if she wants her wages increased next year, she had better tell every one of her compatriots in Statue Square on Sunday that the entirety of the Spratly Islands belongs to China.

Grimly, I told her that if war breaks out between the Philippines and China, I would have to end her employment and send her straight home, because I would not risk the crime of treason for sponsoring an enemy of the state by paying her to wash my toilet and clean my windows 16 hours a day. With that money, she would pay taxes to her government, and they would fund a navy to invade our motherland and deeply hurt my feelings.

Oh yes. The government of the Philippines would certainly be wrong if they think we Chinese are prepared to swallow their insult and sit back and lose a Falkland Islands War in the Far East. They may have Barack Obama and the hawkish American military behind them, but we have a hostage in each of our homes in the Mid-Levels or higher. Some of my friends told me they have already declared a state of emergency at home. Their maids have been made to shout “China, Madam/Sir” loudly whenever they hear the word “Spratly.” They say the indoctrination is working as wonderfully as when we used to shout, “Long live Chairman Mao!” at the sight of a portrait of our Great Leader during the Cultural Revolution. I’m not sure if that’s going a bit too far, at least for the time being

Monday, March 30, 2009

My Lolo Genaro Mendoza

I grew up in Bogo under the care of my maternal great grandmother Loleng Mendoza, the wife of Genaro Mendoza. I didn’t have the chance to personally know my great grandfather Genaro but through my great grandma’s memories, my Lolo Genaro came alive.

According to Lola Loleng, she was 16 or 17 then when Lolo Naro spotted her in Bogo. Lolo Naro was studying in UP Los Baños when on one occasion he came home from school and was smitten by my Lola’s beauty. Lola Loleng said that “si Lolo nimo na CRAS (that was how she said that) man sa ako” and will not go back to school not unless he married her.

I was a little girl then when Lola narrated that story to me. I was too young and too naïve to understand the story. At the back of my young mind I was asking myself that if Lolo “CRAS’d”, how come they got married and had children? What I was thinking then was Lolo went down on an airplane crash from Laguna to Cebu. I kept myself from blurting that question to Lola until a few years later, Lola again told me that story on how Lolo got a CRAS on her.

One afternoon, there was this man who was paraded around town because he accomplished something great. This man was the late Chief Justice Marcelo “Celing” Fernan. When the motorcade passed by our house, the man looked up and waved at us. Lola and I were on the window looking down at the passing motorcade. Lola then waved back and said, “oy, si Celing man diay ni.”

My jaw literally dropped. I asked Lola, “kaila diay mo niya La? She said, “kaila kayo..kuyog man ni cya sa imong Lolo sa una inig pamisita niya nko.” That was the second time I heard the Genaro-Loleng love story. And that time around, I realized that what she meant by CRAS was actually CRUSH. And yes, before Marcelo “Celing” Fernan became THE Marcelo “Celing” Fernan, he accompanied Lolo Naro to court Lola Loleng.

So, Genaro Mendoza refused to go back to UP Los Baños and continue with his college education because he was smitten by a barrio lass named Dolores Andrino. They got married when Lola was 17. They had 5 children, Aurelio (Auring), Loreto (Nene), Jesus and Rosita (Inday) and another son who died due to health complications.

Lolo Genaro died before I could even meet him. Lolo Naro was hauling his family to Leyte during the World War II to escape from the invading Japanese and then back to Cebu again after the war. Because of that, he contracted tuberculosis and died of that disease. He was in his late 30’s or early 40’s.

Through the verbal accounts of my great grandma, I came to know my great grandfather. He was a brave young man and a fool at heart.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Summer School

I am so excited because next month my daughter will begin her journey as a student, a journey that will take her to a new environment and new experience. I am so excited because finally she will have playmates. Even though she’ll only have 2 hours of class everyday but the fact that my daughter will be immersed in a new learning experience, it is reason enough for a mother like me to be ecstatic.

Now, I am already planning on what will she bring to school. Like, what bag, what shoes and clothes to wear, what baon to bring etc.

Actually, what I’m really planning for her this summer is to enroll her in ballet or piano lessons. I inquired local ballet schools and I found out that the minimum age they accept is 3 years old. My daughter is only 2 ½ years old. She won’t turn 3 until August. Besides, ballet lessons are expensive. They charge P2000 per month and they only have 4 sessions a month. Apart from that, you will have to buy ballet shoes and costumes. I am ruling out ballet for now.

I also planned to let her take piano lessons. My cousin’s wife teaches piano so I inquired if she’ll take my daughter. Unfortunately, she only take students aged 7 and up. My daughter is definitely disqualified.

My last option was just to bring her to city with me so that we can be together everyday. If you didn’t know, my daughter is in the province while I’m here in the city. We only see each other on weekends and for me, it is not enough. I long for more days and more hours that I could stay with her.

Anyway, a friend of mine who has a 3 yr old son told me that Woodridge School is offering free summer classes for toddlers aged 2 ½ to 3 ½. Perfect. The offer is so good and so irresistible. Imagine the school is just a walking distance away from where I live. This school provides top-notch and quality education and for a month, they’ll provide it for free. I simply couldn’t say no. Yesterday, I went to the school and submitted a copy of my daughter’s birth certificate and had her enrolled.

The requirements? You’ll have to provide your own food (of course). Provide your own school materials like crayons, pencils, papers and stuff. This is such a bargain compared to enrolling her to ballet and piano lessons. So next week, I’m off to the department store and buy her stuff. I am so excited. I’m seeing pastels already…pinks, blues, yellows, greens and purples.

But of course, I haven’t fully ruled out ballet and piano yet. Perhaps in a year or two, she’ll learn how to pirouette or start to become a piano prodigy.

Who knows? A mother can always dream. :-)

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Respect and Boyet Fajardo

About 2 weeks ago, netizens were feasting a video uploaded on Youtube about the so-called Boyet Fajardo scandal.

The scandal was about this designer named Boyet Fajardo who apparently verbally molested employees of Duty Free Philippines. As curious as I was, I went online and checked the video myself. What I saw was utterly horrible. Horrible in the sense that a potbellied (that was the first thing I notice of him when I saw the video, his potbelly) guy in overcoat pointed fingers at a young fellow manning the counter and at one point had him kneel in front of him.

Who are you Mr. Boyet Fajardo? Are you God? Who are you to let the poor fellow kneel in front of you? Maybe you are used to people (men especially) kneeling in front of you (pun intended). First of all, I think some of your clothes are horrible. They are not what you call designer clothes because the designs are pathetic. I'm not a fashion savant but I would not even bother buying your clothes even if they're on sale because they're ugly. They are as ugly as your attitude actually.

The video in Youtube does not have an audio but you don’t really need one to understand what was going on. Action speaks louder than words. Basing on your action alone Mr. Fajardo, it seems that you're gearing yourself to be deep-fried in your own oil.

I thought Mr. Fajardo is a well-educated and well-meaning citizen of this country. Turns out he is the contrary. He claimed to be a victim also, that he and Mr. Marvin Fernandez are just victims. Mr. Fajardo, do you want to watch the video of yourself doing what you did to that cashier? Perhaps that will give you an idea on what a victim is and what a victim does.

The incident with Mr. Marvin Fernandez portrays how unfair the society is. Mr. Fernandez has represented in action what happens to regular call center workers like me. I feel his pain because I too had been a subject of such disdain. Its not easy and it is not right to say that what happened to Mr. Fernandez goes with the territory. We, in the customer service industry deserve the same respect as those people working in high-rise buildings with offices by the window. We too are human beings and needed to be treated as such.

Mr. Fajardo, don’t cry those crocodile tears, it wont work. Remember that respect begets respect. Learn it and you’ll earn it.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009


I've always been regarded as tomboy. I play with the boys, hang out with the boys and I had a haircut like a boy. Despite of all these tomboyish things that I do like mountaineering, wall climbing and marathon running, I am with all body, mind and soul a woman.

One of the things that I am really proud of is that my ovaries had indeed been proven to be useful. I've gotten pregnant and I have already given birth. That alone is enough testament of womanhood.

Apart from that, proof of my being a woman is that I collect lipsticks. Over the years, I’ve had more then 30 tubes of lipstick. In my possession alone, I have 7 tubes of lipstick that I use in daily alternate and 3 tubes of flavored lip gloss. I know it’s a lot less compared to some who have more than 10 tubes in their make up kit.

So, why lipstick? I really have a fancy for that since I was allowed to wear one. I started with pinks to nudes and now to reds. I had a friend who made a comment about my choice of color. Why do you love red lipstick? Red has always been symbolized as sexy, fiery, and strong and it is a symbol for love. Wearing a red lipstick on your lips is significant of your personality. And besides, if you’re going to wear a lipstick, why wear a nude? A lipstick is supposed to add color to your face so a nude lipstick doesn’t justify it.

I fancy lipsticks like children fancy candies. It’s the perfect accessory to a boring outfit and it brings color to your face.

So, ladies and gentlemen, Red my Lips! Got it?

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Racism and the Call Center

Call center is a booming business in the Philippines. With thousands of Filipinos working in the call center industry, this business is considered as prime meat for taxes. Call center workers enjoy above average compensation compared to those working in an 8-5 job.

But what do these workers get in return of getting above average compensation?

Ridicule, mockery, racism, these are the few things call center workers get from their customers. Caucasian and Asian customers alike treat Filipinos like they are a piece of garbage. They call them names, threaten to sue them and just blatantly demoralize Filipinos in general. It’s not just Filipinos who experienced such things. Indians get the same treatment as well.

In the five years that I’ve worked in a call center, I’ve been called names that are far beyond my imagination. Threatened to be sued a lot of times and I have heard blatant degradation of the Filipino race.

Before I started working in this business, I have a high regard for Americans, Europeans and our own Asian brothers and sisters. I can’t point out exactly what the reason why; probably it's the color of their skin, hair and eyes or the shape of their nose. Or probably the American twang and efficiency in the English language. All these things were in my mind until I started doing technical support for the North American and APAC regions. I've found out that they are not as efficient in the English language as I thought they were. Oftentimes, they have the wrong grammar and most of the time, wrong spelling for words. I’ve learned that they are not very bright in fact; they could not even grasp the simplest instruction to as to "click on the screen." Their advantage is that they can afford to buy computers and expensive gadgets whilst common Filipinos cant.

But being able to buy a certain product does not give anybody the right to step down on the people providing him or her with support to the best of their abilities. I must admit that the product our customers bought is not the best, not perfect, does not comply to their requirements but is there actually a product out there that's flawless, perfect and always comply to everybody's specification? Why would customers vent out their frustration to people who are merely assisting them in troubleshooting their problems when in fact the problem is that they're too dumb to operate a computer?

As you see the problem is not the people on the other end of phone. It is not the product that the customers bought. The problem is their attitude. They think highly of themselves that oftentimes, they think they are a superior race.

Nobody has the right to degrade any race. Whether we speak in a halting English, sleep and eat with the rats, has a corrupt president and belongs to a third world country, we are definitely not a third-rate race. No one can classify the race based on education, skin color or financial capacity. All of us are equal.

Being a Filipino is not a handicap; in fact, it should be considered a gift. Working in a call center is not a curse but a blessing.

Note: This is the author’s opinion and does not reflect all others who are working in the customer service industry.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Presidentiables and the Criminals in suits, barongs and high heels

Manny Villar, Loren Legarda, Mar Roxas, Bayani Fernando are among the politicians who have expressed their desires to run for president in the 2010 elections. Manny Villar and Loren Legarda have bombarded the small screens with advertisements. Bayani Fernando joined a celebrity-singing contest and won and he has posters hanging on every electrical post in the country.

Among the presidential hopefuls, who do you think is worthy to take the reigns of governing our country? Ping Lacson perhaps? How about Erap take two? I don’t know what your reaction is but for me I find it amusing that Lacson, a notorious killer (he apparently has salvaged so many criminals during his term as police chief) and Erap, a notorious womanizer, gambler and was once impeached from the presidential seat wants to run for presidency. I mean, who doesn’t want to be the president? Who doesn’t want limitless power and control over the people and their money?

How about the probability that Jejomar Binay and Chiz Escudero will also run for presidency? Jejomar’s name came from Jesus, Joseph and Mary combined but he’s no closer to a saint. He’s as sinful as all bitches and assholes in the arena called Politics. And yeah, what about Chiz? If he were going to work in a call center, his callers would get irate because of the monotone of his voice. He always gets himself propped up in front of a camera and is interviewed every time a scandal erupts in Malacañang. Every time I see Chiz on TV, he’s always criticizing the present government. I hate the present government as much as he hates the President. I wonder if he thinks of himself as Mr. Goody Two-shoe. He is as hypocrite as everyone else.

The upcoming 2010 elections are full of crap that I’m actually thinking of skipping the precincts.

Our government and the bloody politicians are like fucking criminals in suits, barongs and high heels. They’re killing the country and killing people by stealing their money. I so fucking hate them.

Oh, pardon my French.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

The little success story

Each one of us has our own success story to tell. Whether it’s passing trigonometry, the board exams, giving birth, paying debts or becoming rich.

Mine is about this insecure, low self-esteemed version of me named Pearliza and how she became Pearl.

Pearliza is a provincial girl whose looks don’t measure up to those well-bred city girls. In elementary, she was ridiculed by her classmates and was often called names. She was called hunchback because she brings this big backpack to school and because she was a small girl it really made her look like a hunchback. Her friends at school never believed her that she had drank Yakult. Mocked her because she wore a pink Kaypee rubber shoes to school and her friends never thought that her family could afford one. They made drawings of her…drawings of an ugly girl. To them, she's an ugly little duckling. She was teased upon because she lived in an old dilapidated ancestral house whose grandma kept peering up on the big window making her friends think that she lived with a witch. Because of the constant taunting at school, she has built a shell around her. This shell made her the feisty one.

This girl had always known that deep inside she is a nice little girl and a trustworthy friend. They didn’t know that Pearliza is very talented and quite bright. She is actually a funny one who brightens up her friends’ dull days.

Pearliza went to college and met friends who have accepted the quirky side of her and loved her for that. She proved to herself the things that she has longed for...that she is a leader, that she is indeed talented and that she is the nice and trustworthy little friend. Her hometown friends can only gasp in amazement when they knew that she led various university based organizations. They never expected that the little ugly hunchback who wore Kaypee and claimed she drank Yakult has made a name for herself in the environment that embraced her.

Pearliza is no longer Pearliza, she's Pearl. The bright girl who made people laugh and made them say wow because she can dance. Pearl is the girl who led various organizations and has a solid circle of friends. She has finally found true friends who embraced Pearliza and turned her into a pearl.

And oh, she’s a mother to a beautiful daughter. Her daughter is no longer the ugly little duckling her mom was once called by.

Each of us has our own little success story to tell. It doesn’t matter how we tell the story but what matters is how we become a success story.

I am Pearliza. I am my own success story.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Will she ever?

As I was watching Tayong Dalawa, a realization hit me. Would my daughter have the same fate as David Garcia Jr alias JR? Will her own father ever accept her? Will she ever feel what its like to be accepted and loved as a real daughter? I wonder when that would happen and I wonder most if that would happen.

I keep telling myself that I am not to be blamed with what happened. I should have picked a better man, a man who would stand by his responsibilities. But who can predict what's going to happen? Had I known that it would end up like this, I should have done something. Something that will set things right. No matter how much I hate my daughter's dad, I can't brush away the idea that if only we're friends again, it would have been better.

Only God knows the answer to all these questions and whatever the answer is, I hope He gives my daughter enough strength to accept the truth.

Humble and Bruised

Over the past years, I have wronged quite a few people. Some of them are on my friends list and a few of them are not. Allow me express my sincerest apologies to all those people I’ve hurt. I may have hurt you directly or indirectly or, may have only reacted in revenge or retribution to what you did to me; still I don't think you deserve to be treated the way I did to you.

I can list down the people whom I have wronged but I chose not to because it will absolutely spark controversies. But you know who you are. I was too insensitive and too proud then to admit that I was wrong. Yet, I know that what I did was simply incomprehensible.

I am now making amends with my own self. In this process, I need the forgiveness of the people I caused trouble with. I must admit that my life is slowly taking its course towards the right way. But I know it won’t be complete without your acknowledgment of forgiveness.

Lord, please forgive me also for making mistakes. I know that I’m prone to it in fact I’ve made a lot already. My life is so full of it that I could not imagine how You’ll be able to love me despite all the wrongdoings that I’ve done. But they say that no one can fathom the divinity of God and no one can measure your love.

So here I am Lord, humble and bruised. Forgive me and please don’t stop loving me.

Thursday, February 19, 2009


I've noticed recently that I have lesser lines on my face. It could be attributed to this nice exfoliant /moisturizer my amazing titas has concocted. Or it could be attributed to the fact that I am simply happy and in love.

There are so many things that I should be happy about

First of all, I am alive. I have all my faculties functioning and in amazingly good condition always give you that vibe. The idea of being able to wake up every single morning is reason enough to be happy about.

Second, I am capable to being/falling in love and being loved. Having gone through so many roller coaster emotional episodes in my life that involved the men of different characters that have made me think whether I should write my love stories and send it to Maalaala Mo Kaya. Drawing strength from those experiences and hearing yourself say I am so damn beautiful makes you think that falling in love is not so bad after all.

Third, I am so happy knowing that I definitely have good genes. What I’m trying to say is that, I have a beautiful offspring. Yeah, yeah, her father is quite good looking but hey, she wouldn’t have those good looks if she didn’t have me as her mother. Kidding aside, what I am really thankful about is the fact that I am indeed a woman and a mother at that.

Among other things that make me happy is my family. Despite of what we are going through right now, I could not and would not think of asking for a better mother, father and brother. I think they are simply awesome with the way they are.

And I think one more thing here that anybody including myself should be happy and thankful for is/are my job/s. At the height of the global economic crisis, I think I am just so lucky that I still have my job. Right now, I'd just be content and be happy with what I have. I am getting slowly and surely and I know that after all the crisis, I'll get by. The best thing here is my experience and my growth.

And oh, do you really want to know what minimized my lines? It's just prayers and Olay total effects! Try it and you'll see the difference.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Weight and Waistline

Do you know that at 15, my waistline was 21, at 18, it was 24 and at 25 it was 26. Now that I’m nearing 30, it’s already 29. Would that mean by the time I’m 50 my waistline will be 40? Heaven forbid! I must act on this now, otherwise I’ll be sorry. You see my strength is relative to my weight. Meaning, I’m stronger if I’m heavier but I think it’s my sorry self telling me that again. I’m supposed to work out and run again. Oh, I missed jogging and running and dancing and mountaineering and wall climbing. Oh how I miss the joggings at the Abellana complex and all those cute guys in basketball uniform trying to sweat it out. Have I segued too much? Anyhow, I really miss exercising.

What I’m really trying to say is that, I have gained weight that is not relative to my height. I could hear my Mum telling me that if I’m going to gain more, I’d look like a chorizo ready to burst. Now, that’s something to laugh about. The only depressing thing about gaining weight is my inability to wear my old clothes. I have not even worn some of them yet and now they wont even fit. Damn!

Do you believe that if you’re happy, you’d enjoy food better thus you’d eat more? I certainly believe that line and please don’t try to question me because I am definitely happy where I’m at now and I really enjoy good food. And do you also know that my daughter now weighs 15kilos and she loves to be carried especially when I’m at home? I’m not saying that my daughter doesn’t know how to walk because she does and in fact she runs like hell whenever we play catch. But she just loves being carried whenever she feels like making lambing and she does make lambing all the time.

I know I’ve talked too much.

Bottom line is, lose weight and exercise.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

One proud mother

When you look at the picture of my daughter and me together, your initial reaction would this your daughter? She's very pretty. She got her looks from her father, doesn't she? And all I could say is...hell yeah! But you know what, I also get a lot of reactions from people who see us smiling and laughing together. They'd say, you do look like mother and daughter when you smile and laugh together. Well, that statement alone gives me all the reason in the world to keep smiling. By the way, if you ask my daughter where she got her good looks from, she'll say...from mummy pearly. Yeah, beat that! That makes me one proud mother.

Best days

About a year ago, I got suspended from work because f excessive absence. Deep inside I know that I wasn't at fault but policy is policy therefore, it has to be accepted and implemented. A suspension is a degrading thing. It's like failing on a subject that you like the most but the teacher is just impossible.

I was not the most optimistic person in the world. In fact, I grew up with so much pessimism that I have lost my self-confidence. What the suspension has taught me is that there's always a good thing that will come out from a negative situation.

The good thing that came out of it was that I was able to spend quality time with my daughter. Those days that I spent away from work were just one of the best days of my life. The best in the sense that I was able to cuddle, kiss and hold my daughter all those times. I was a mom, a friend and a playmate all throughout those days. I marveled at the amazing growth of children. I saw my daughter literally grow and somehow matured right in front of me. I'd give anything just to be able to do that again. But more suspension.

Valentines Day

What makes me excited about this coming valentines day? Well, its because I’m going to celebrate Valentines Day with my daughter, Alix. We're going to have our lunch date at Jollibee and our dinner date at the "barbecuehan sa pantalan."

Main course for our lunch date consists of hotdog and spaghetti finished with twirl for our desert, although I'll probably think twice about the twirl.
Dinner date's main course consists of pork, gizzard, isaw, all barbecued of course matched with puso and water eaten under the bright moon and star lights with matching chill of the sea breeze (ill just keep my fingers crossed and hope that it wont rain on that day).

I can already see that it’s going to be the best Valentines Day ever. Alix will be the best valentine date. I never had so much anticipation for Valentines Day. I’m not the hopeless romantic type therefore I’m not always the type who eagerly plans for the day of hearts. But Valentines Day this year is an exception. I’m sure it’s going to be a blast.