Thursday, February 26, 2009

Will she ever?

As I was watching Tayong Dalawa, a realization hit me. Would my daughter have the same fate as David Garcia Jr alias JR? Will her own father ever accept her? Will she ever feel what its like to be accepted and loved as a real daughter? I wonder when that would happen and I wonder most if that would happen.

I keep telling myself that I am not to be blamed with what happened. I should have picked a better man, a man who would stand by his responsibilities. But who can predict what's going to happen? Had I known that it would end up like this, I should have done something. Something that will set things right. No matter how much I hate my daughter's dad, I can't brush away the idea that if only we're friends again, it would have been better.

Only God knows the answer to all these questions and whatever the answer is, I hope He gives my daughter enough strength to accept the truth.

Humble and Bruised

Over the past years, I have wronged quite a few people. Some of them are on my friends list and a few of them are not. Allow me express my sincerest apologies to all those people I’ve hurt. I may have hurt you directly or indirectly or, may have only reacted in revenge or retribution to what you did to me; still I don't think you deserve to be treated the way I did to you.

I can list down the people whom I have wronged but I chose not to because it will absolutely spark controversies. But you know who you are. I was too insensitive and too proud then to admit that I was wrong. Yet, I know that what I did was simply incomprehensible.

I am now making amends with my own self. In this process, I need the forgiveness of the people I caused trouble with. I must admit that my life is slowly taking its course towards the right way. But I know it won’t be complete without your acknowledgment of forgiveness.

Lord, please forgive me also for making mistakes. I know that I’m prone to it in fact I’ve made a lot already. My life is so full of it that I could not imagine how You’ll be able to love me despite all the wrongdoings that I’ve done. But they say that no one can fathom the divinity of God and no one can measure your love.

So here I am Lord, humble and bruised. Forgive me and please don’t stop loving me.

Thursday, February 19, 2009


I've noticed recently that I have lesser lines on my face. It could be attributed to this nice exfoliant /moisturizer my amazing titas has concocted. Or it could be attributed to the fact that I am simply happy and in love.

There are so many things that I should be happy about

First of all, I am alive. I have all my faculties functioning and in amazingly good condition always give you that vibe. The idea of being able to wake up every single morning is reason enough to be happy about.

Second, I am capable to being/falling in love and being loved. Having gone through so many roller coaster emotional episodes in my life that involved the men of different characters that have made me think whether I should write my love stories and send it to Maalaala Mo Kaya. Drawing strength from those experiences and hearing yourself say I am so damn beautiful makes you think that falling in love is not so bad after all.

Third, I am so happy knowing that I definitely have good genes. What I’m trying to say is that, I have a beautiful offspring. Yeah, yeah, her father is quite good looking but hey, she wouldn’t have those good looks if she didn’t have me as her mother. Kidding aside, what I am really thankful about is the fact that I am indeed a woman and a mother at that.

Among other things that make me happy is my family. Despite of what we are going through right now, I could not and would not think of asking for a better mother, father and brother. I think they are simply awesome with the way they are.

And I think one more thing here that anybody including myself should be happy and thankful for is/are my job/s. At the height of the global economic crisis, I think I am just so lucky that I still have my job. Right now, I'd just be content and be happy with what I have. I am getting slowly and surely and I know that after all the crisis, I'll get by. The best thing here is my experience and my growth.

And oh, do you really want to know what minimized my lines? It's just prayers and Olay total effects! Try it and you'll see the difference.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Weight and Waistline

Do you know that at 15, my waistline was 21, at 18, it was 24 and at 25 it was 26. Now that I’m nearing 30, it’s already 29. Would that mean by the time I’m 50 my waistline will be 40? Heaven forbid! I must act on this now, otherwise I’ll be sorry. You see my strength is relative to my weight. Meaning, I’m stronger if I’m heavier but I think it’s my sorry self telling me that again. I’m supposed to work out and run again. Oh, I missed jogging and running and dancing and mountaineering and wall climbing. Oh how I miss the joggings at the Abellana complex and all those cute guys in basketball uniform trying to sweat it out. Have I segued too much? Anyhow, I really miss exercising.

What I’m really trying to say is that, I have gained weight that is not relative to my height. I could hear my Mum telling me that if I’m going to gain more, I’d look like a chorizo ready to burst. Now, that’s something to laugh about. The only depressing thing about gaining weight is my inability to wear my old clothes. I have not even worn some of them yet and now they wont even fit. Damn!

Do you believe that if you’re happy, you’d enjoy food better thus you’d eat more? I certainly believe that line and please don’t try to question me because I am definitely happy where I’m at now and I really enjoy good food. And do you also know that my daughter now weighs 15kilos and she loves to be carried especially when I’m at home? I’m not saying that my daughter doesn’t know how to walk because she does and in fact she runs like hell whenever we play catch. But she just loves being carried whenever she feels like making lambing and she does make lambing all the time.

I know I’ve talked too much.

Bottom line is, lose weight and exercise.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

One proud mother

When you look at the picture of my daughter and me together, your initial reaction would this your daughter? She's very pretty. She got her looks from her father, doesn't she? And all I could say is...hell yeah! But you know what, I also get a lot of reactions from people who see us smiling and laughing together. They'd say, you do look like mother and daughter when you smile and laugh together. Well, that statement alone gives me all the reason in the world to keep smiling. By the way, if you ask my daughter where she got her good looks from, she'll say...from mummy pearly. Yeah, beat that! That makes me one proud mother.

Best days

About a year ago, I got suspended from work because f excessive absence. Deep inside I know that I wasn't at fault but policy is policy therefore, it has to be accepted and implemented. A suspension is a degrading thing. It's like failing on a subject that you like the most but the teacher is just impossible.

I was not the most optimistic person in the world. In fact, I grew up with so much pessimism that I have lost my self-confidence. What the suspension has taught me is that there's always a good thing that will come out from a negative situation.

The good thing that came out of it was that I was able to spend quality time with my daughter. Those days that I spent away from work were just one of the best days of my life. The best in the sense that I was able to cuddle, kiss and hold my daughter all those times. I was a mom, a friend and a playmate all throughout those days. I marveled at the amazing growth of children. I saw my daughter literally grow and somehow matured right in front of me. I'd give anything just to be able to do that again. But more suspension.

Valentines Day

What makes me excited about this coming valentines day? Well, its because I’m going to celebrate Valentines Day with my daughter, Alix. We're going to have our lunch date at Jollibee and our dinner date at the "barbecuehan sa pantalan."

Main course for our lunch date consists of hotdog and spaghetti finished with twirl for our desert, although I'll probably think twice about the twirl.
Dinner date's main course consists of pork, gizzard, isaw, all barbecued of course matched with puso and water eaten under the bright moon and star lights with matching chill of the sea breeze (ill just keep my fingers crossed and hope that it wont rain on that day).

I can already see that it’s going to be the best Valentines Day ever. Alix will be the best valentine date. I never had so much anticipation for Valentines Day. I’m not the hopeless romantic type therefore I’m not always the type who eagerly plans for the day of hearts. But Valentines Day this year is an exception. I’m sure it’s going to be a blast.