Between Dreams and Reality

Last night I dreamt of Boying, he is Alix’ dad. The setting was in a hospital. He was hospitalized for some unknown reason. I went there to visit him (I actually don’t know how I knew that he’s sick, anyway, that was in the dream) and to discuss the welfare of our daughter.

The room was gloomy. He was on the bed with dextrose attached to his left hand. His family was with him.

I started to discuss Alix’ situation and what he thinks of it and to see if he’s really interested in rearing her along with me despite of our status.

He didn’t say no nor did he say yes. He immediately stood up (despite of his condition) and started to go out of the room. He went downstairs to meet up with his current girlfriend.

His actions appalled me. Totally blown me out of proportions. I must admit that deep inside I really want the matter between us settled. I don’t want to be his girlfriend again nor be his wife. I just want him to be a father to our daughter. It’s the simplest thing to ask. I don’t mind if he’s not going to share any financial support but he’s presence would really mean a lot. Regardless of how simple the request his, it’s the hardest thing for him to do.

I guess he loves his girlfriend so much that he sacrificed his daughter over somebody whom he’s not sure if she will stay with him till his dying days. I know for sure that Alix will stay with her family. That’s how I was raised and I’m going to teach my daughter the same attitude. Families should be one of your top priorities.

I don’t love him anymore and I don’t have any intentions of having another child with him either. All I really wanted is for Alix to know who he is and experience the love of a father. It’s not that Alix lacked the love. She’s actually full of it but it would be a lot nicer if she has real father to share it with.

There’s not much difference between this dream and the reality. The dream is just an affirmation of the reality likewise the reality is just an affirmation of the dream. I don’t want to choose between the two but I guess I don’t have any other choice but to accept both reality and the dream. The dream is simply a reflection of what’s real.

Boying and I can be a family even without the paper (marriage). All we have to do is act as responsible parents to our daughter.

Some say that nothing is impossible. I just hope that our situation will prove to be a possible impossible.